The Turtle Journal
Poems and stories about living close to the pace of a turtle due to ALS
and learning to soar like an eagle.

“The Turtle Journal”
April, 2004
Volume 24

  “Journey to Assisi:  Remembrance & Renewal”
Special Commemorative Issue
Dedicated to Bob Mendenhall

Lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
   The flowers appear on the earth,
   The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.
            -Song of Solomon 2:11-12

This will come as no surprise to Turtle Journal readers!  Bob’s final issue of The  Turtle Journal, Volume 23, written in the summer of 2003, features a photo of the very location that you see us standing at, half-way around the world in Rome now, in Volume 24.  We are at Bernini’s famous “Turtle” Fountain.    Bob would have simply grinned and quipped, “Of course, I planned it this way!”

Something endless, something new.  Something with no memory of mine but with a memory of its own that reaches farther back than I can imagine.
                -Frances Mayes on Italy  

Seven months after Bob’s passing, Ginny Mazur and three friends of The Circle of Support; Sue Coakley, Dan Gadish and Shai Nathanson, went to Italy to fulfill a request by Bob to scatter his ashes in Assisi.

In a journey filled with magic, grace, fun and camaraderie, guided by love and Bob’s spirit, the group fulfilled its mission and more.  Our beloved symbol of the turtle, which Ginny had thought had fulfilled its purpose with Bob’s wish to “soar like an eagle” as he prepared to leave this world, reappeared and surprised us every step of our journey.  The turtle proclaimed that he would not leave and just continued to greet us unexpectedly.  Appearances through which we felt Bob’s spirit and humor.  These were the inspiration to offer a Turtle Journal this spring to remember and renew. 

Turtle Magic

It wasn’t enough that we dined in Rome for the first two evenings at The Turtle Cantina, a wonderful, tiny neighborhood restaurant with their own turtle collection. Every day a turtle appeared in art or sculptures as if a wink from Bob.  No place, though, was the turtle as present as Siena.  In Siena Italy, the neighborhood or contratta into which you are born is as important as your family.  A dozen or so contratti have been around since medieval times.  The Turtle Contratta is one of the oldest and is adjacent to the Eagle Contratta – good neighbors and allies for centuries; they are the arch enemies of the Snail District.  Here’s Ginny at one of the entrances to the Turtle neighborhood of Siena, guarded by symbol of its namesake.

San Daminiano, Full of Grace

Bob asked that his ashes be scattered in the olive grove next to San Daminiano, the humble church St. Francis built in the valley down from the walled town of Assisi.  The scents of early spring filled the misty air and we picked flowers along the roadside, breathing the peaceful spirit of this blessed place. 

Each person read in the olive grove and then, we scattered Bob’s ashes among the trees, feeling that we have given him this gift as he has given one to us; bringing us here together.  

Ginny

To listen for God in all things.
To learn and grow from whatever we meet on the journey.
To be joyful for what is
and less mindful of what is not.

To celebrate our humanity in all its forms
striving to being kind, tolerant, forgiving
and loving of this same humanity
in ourselves and in each other.

To do the best one can
in body, mind, spirit and heart,
Remembering
to nurture all of these.

Thank you, St. Francis.
You have been, are...our guide
through the most challenging way
bringing countless gifts of love to shine through.

For Dear Bob’s Spirit,

I offer only the simplest words today
to bring you home.

This...

is the ground of love.
May you become it
as you have been love
and continue to be the love we hold for you
in our hearts and for each other.

May you be the wind.
May you be the sun.
May you be the olive branch.
May you be the sky.
May you be the flowers of the field.

You will be forever in my heart,
our hearts and in this place.
I send you my love.

Sue

For Bob:

  In dying, Bob sought healing for himself and died healed from many of life's wounds.  It was a spiritual and emotional healing that ultimately brought great joy to Bob.  In doing so, he extended this healing to all of us who supported and helped him through his process of dying and healing. In essence, he lived this prayer:

  May I be a protector to those without protection,
A leader for those who journey,
And a boat, a bridge, a passage
For those desiring the further shore.

  May the pain of every living creature
Be completely cleaned away.
May I be the doctor and the medicine
And may I be the nurse
For all sick beings in the world
Until everyone is healed.

  Just like space
And the great elements such as earth,
May I always support the life
Of all the boundless creatures.

  And until they pass away from pain
May I also be the source of life
For all the realms of varied beings
That reach unto the ends of space.

  By Shantideva, A Guide to the Bodhisattiva's Way of Life (Bodhicaryavatara), translated by Stephen Batchelor (Dharamsala: Library of Tibetan Works and Archives, 1979), 30-32 quoted by Soyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (New York: HarperCollins, 1994), p. 222.

For all of us grieving Bob's death, but for you, Ginny, especially:

Grief is a wound that needs attention in order to heal.  To work through and complete grief means to face our feelings openly and honestly, to express and release our feelings fully and to tolerate and accept our feelings for however long it takes for the wound to heal.  We fear that once acknowledged grief will bowl us over.  The truth is that grief experienced does dissolve.  Grief unexpressed is grief that lasts indefinitely.   

Judy Tatelbaum, The Courage to Grieve: Creative Living, Recovery and Growth through Grief (New York: Harper & Row, 1980) quoted by Soyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (New York: HarperCollins, 1994), p. 312

Ginny, it was a great honor to accompany you, Dan and Shai to Assisi to hold this ceremony in honor of Bob.  I saw this as a continuation of the process to release and celebrate Bob's spirit that demonstrated so deeply the power and healing of love and compassion.  What a wonderful trip!

Love,
Sue

Dan

(Jennifer Smith of Resounding Joy wrote to Gin about a creation story where the turtle and the eagle are the central characters.  Dan did some research to find it in its entirety to read for our ceremony in Assisi . It started to rain just as Dan came to the part about water gushing up through the cracks in the earth!)

The Eagle
Divine spirit, chief of all the creatures in the air, the primary servant of the sun. Powerful in battle, the eagle protects the people from evil. Eagle medicine attributes include clear vision and soaring spirit. The eagle is associated with success, prosperity and wealth.

The Turtle
Self contained, creative source. Turtle represents Mother Earth. Informed decisions, planning and adaptability are attributes of Turtle.

Native American Myth of Creation
Lakota

There was another world before this one. But the people of that world did not behave themselves. Displeased, the Creating Power set out to make a new world. He sang several songs to bring rain, which poured stronger with each song. As he sang the fourth song, the earth split apart and water gushed up through the many cracks, causing a flood. By the time the rain stopped, all of the people and nearly all of the animals had drowned. Only Kangi the crow survived.
Kangi pleaded with the Creating Power to make him a new place to rest. So the Creating Power decided the time had come to make his new world. From his huge pipe bag, which contained all types of animals and birds, the Creating Power selected four animals known for their ability to remain under water for a long time.

 
He sent each in turn to retrieve a lump of mud from beneath the floodwaters. First the loon dove deep into the dark waters, but it was unable to reach the bottom. The otter, even with its strong webbed feet, also failed. Next, the beaver used its large flat tail to propel itself deep under the water, but it too brought nothing back. Finally, the Creating Power took the turtle from his pipe bag and urged it to bring back some mud.

Turtle stayed under the water for so long that everyone was sure it had drowned. Then, with a splash, the turtle broke the water's surface! Mud filled its feet and claws and the cracks between its upper and lower shells. Singing, the Creating Power shaped the mud in his hands and spread it on the water, where it was just big enough for himself and the crow. He then shook two long eagle wing feathers over the mud until earth spread wide and varied, overcoming the waters. Feeling sadness for the dry land, the Creating Power cried tears that became oceans, streams, and lakes. He named the new land Turtle Continent in honor of the turtle who provided the mud from which it was formed.

The Creating Power then took many animals and birds from his great pipe bag and spread them across the Earth. From red, white, black, and yellow earth, he made men and women. The Creating Power gave the people his sacred pipe and told them to live by it. He warned them about the fate of the people who came before them. He promised all would be well if all living things learned to live in harmony. But the world would be destroyed again if they made it bad and ugly.

Shai

Shai began with a quote, and then a poem of his own.

"And Death Shall Have No Dominion"                
 /Dylan Thomas                 

Do not say I am dead
My friends,
I have merely changed
Oh friends.
I am alive
In the flight of an eagle
Soaring up, up
In the air
To the horizonless sky.
In the slow, patient, insistent
Daily walk
Of a turtle
On land and in water.
I am alive 
In Ginny's pain and tear,
In the fires which are
Her life now,
In her Smile,
Her love,
And yours
My friends.

             -Shai Nathanson
                 Assisi , Italy
                March 24, 2004

A Blessing on Our Way

After we had all read and scattered the ashes, it really started to rain.  The shower felt like the release of many feelings and a cleansing.  We went inside San Daminano for awhile.  When we came back outdoors, we were greeted by Brother Lewis who said, “I hope you feel the Grace of this place.”  We did. We told the reason for our visit.  He promised to pray with his Franciscan brothers for Bob and hoped we would return.  I hope that one day soon, we will, and that you may some day, too.

          With love, Ginny

From the yard above the road, I see the cypresses graph a rise and fall against a sky blown clean of clouds by this afternoon’s wind.  Stars are shooting over the valley, stars that fell even before the Etruscans watched from this hillside….Five, six, stars streak across the sky.  I hold out my hand to catch one.
             -Frances Mayes  

“Love and Help are All Around.”  

Click here for information regarding the
Robert Mendenhall Music Scholarship Fund

Photo taken by Bob of a rose
on a convent roof at the Vatican.